one of life's little pleasures

Toupee or not toupee

I find it quite amusing that on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, the episode where he sheds his hair piece, the Hair Club for Men was a commercial sponsor.

Comment of the week....

Where did you purchase my short shrift and will I need a receipt to return it?
Posted by: Judson at December 29, 2003 12:59 PM

Well I shop at the Wholesale Shrift Store. So there is a no-return policy. You are obligated to keep your short shrift. You may of course at your leisure and option, give the short shrift to someone else. I think of it as the gift that keeps on giving. Like fruitcake or herpes.

Jay/Jim

Sicky doesn't want to feel sicky anymore

Ugh! I am coldish/fluish. Slight fever, chills, body aches. Alka-Seltzer Ready Relief Tabs you better work it.

But Joy! My best friend Nono is here. I love spending time with her. She makes me want to be a better person. Umm ok, that was deep. Seriously, she is the one person that I want to please the most. Others I often give short shrift, and for this I apologize. But hanging the moon is the least I can do for her. She makes me feel like I am good enough, smart enough and dammit people like me!

God Bless Nono!

Christmas

Well kiddies, Christmas 2003 has come and gone. And I am happy. Not for the cool stuff that I got although there was a lot of it. I think I can remember everything:

Christmas Looty
Banana Republic giftcards
Old Navy giftcards
BVD A-shirts (how cool is that? I love beater tees)
a POLO khaki windbreaker
Smallville 1st Season on DVD
Strangers With Candy 1st Season on DVD
Charade on DVD
Xanadu on DVD (with the extra 10 minutes of roller ballet)
Will and Grace 1st Season on DVD
Better Homes and Garden Cookbook
Bears and Bulls tic tac toe set
FAO Schwartz stuffed Husky
Oakley Half-Wire sunglasses (ok how cool is that for a gift?)
UT Longhorn tee shirt
UT Longhorn checkers set

Ok Judson...the only things I bought myself were the Smallville and Xanadu DVDs. Today I recieved a Lacost windbreaker AND ski pants!! Woohoo...Snow here I come.

Of course all the calorie laden stuff I have given away already. Did I mention that I dipped three bags of pretzels of various sizes, and two boxes of Nilla wafers. Tonite I will make Ritz sandwiches with peanut butter, also to be dipped in chocolate bark. Why do pretzels taste best with white chocolate?

I was happy because I spent a nice morning with my mom. We watched BABE: The Movie, and then I ate a a good meal of 1/2 a chicken breast, cottage cheese and pineapple salad, gherkins and diet cola. YUMMY. This is exactly what I asked for, and its on my diet. We will not talk about the chinese food I had for dinner....General Tso's Chicken AND egg rolls. Oink oink!

Being malled by a pack of wild dogs

I too traversed the malls last nite along with Best Buy. The mall? No problem. I got to see all the gay boys with their bags full of over priced product, watching me and my bags of over priced product. Why are "the gays" so easy to spot? I will ponder this...I am sure it has to with proper color palette selection and accessories. You do know that is the ability to accessorize that separates gay men from umm umm non-accessorized men.

And yes you must carry your bags like a suburban lady that lunches, deftly held by the finger tips, or the handle resting on the wrist. Ah the joys of just "being" during the holidays. When you get a chance, read what Todd has to say about it...
What is it about Jay and over priced products? I can go to a used clothing store (GASP!) and be happy getting a pair of Banana Republic moleskin trousers for $.30 a lb, but the thought of buying cologne, hair product or cosmetics at any place other than a department store really bothers me.

Well as I have the fully stocked Calphalon kitchen, there is not much more to buy. And yes I have the Calphalon Professional Hard-Anodized...You got that right BABY...the good stuff. I even have the 8 quart saucier.

More details later.

Santa Baby

Santa Baby written by J. Javits and P. Springer

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean a phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

Back in the Zone

Why do I do this to my self? I fought and battled to reach my goal weight on my birthday, and then I find myself eating carbs and creme brulee almost every other day. Somehow all my friends know my predilection for custard desserts.

Speaking of guilty pleasures, I am in love with Smallville. I barely started watching the WB mid-summer this year, so I never saw the first episodes. And you know when you stumble onto a channel/show that kinda intrigues you, but doesn't completely enthrall you? Once and again you will see it on and there it will stay, but you won't actively tune it in. Well kiddies, not anymore. I LOVE the WB. Why did no one tell me how good the dramatic series are? I love Smallville, One Tree Hill, The Gilmore Girls and Angel.

I need a larger TiVo now.

Lord of the Rings

The Very Secret Diary of Legolas, Son of Weenus
By: Cassandra Claire *dedicated to Emily for her fearless defense of Elijah*

Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important mission - gold ring so tacky.

Day Four:
Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Day Six:
Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

Day Ten:
Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

Day Eleven:
In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.

Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.

Day 30:
All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

Day 33:
Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.

Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.

Day 35:
Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.

I think I ate too much of this, because I have been BUSY!!

BUSY DAY CAKE

1 2/3 c. all-purpose flour
1 c. sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/3 c. shortening
2/3 c. milk (room temperature)
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
Mix together all ingredients until smooth. Bake in greased 8x8-inch square pan in preheated 350 degree oven for 35 minutes.

The Missy Elliot School of Despot Design

If you a fly gal get your nails done
Get a pedicure, get your hair did